who ordered the deus ex machina?

i had my blog fumigated for spam bots. and yes, i f-ed the exterminator like some sort of tacky low budget titty flick. so stop asking. call me a seventh day hedonist but i leave no trope of pornography unturned.
so big news. today I found out I’m a space-time worm. so I went online to find out how this changes things. turns out it changes everything metaphysically, but nothing reeeally.
did you hear, lisa frank is going to illustrate the diary of anne frank!

notice of hiatus

i've been spammed. i'm going to retreat to a fallout shelter until the situation up here clears up. i'm sorry. I had hoped it wouldn't come to this. but that spambot pushed me to my limits, what with impersonating my dead sister, etc. i love you all dearly. if you see an opportunity for revolution during my subterranean hiatus, don't hesitate to start without me.

hoop 'n stick: back with a vengeance

bad news blogrades. as i was enthusiastically running laps around the sleeping quarters with my brand new hoop 'n stick I managed to tangle my leg up in the hoop of the hoop 'n stick and, in a fit of arrogance and unaware of my dangerously entwined appendage, started to grapevine toward the galley, resulting in the fracture of my tibia. the captain started making 'told you so' faces at me and i got pissed so i told everyone how he had a wet dream in the hypersleep chamber. so he started crying and i told him i was sorry then i took it back because he wasnt thankful enough for the apology. wow this day got bad fats. fast. ha ha that comical mispelling just made it a little better.

hoop 'n stick

big news blogrades. since we don't have a tv on the space shuttle I had ground control ship me a hoop 'n stick. I can't stop playing with it!

that's sort of what it looks like except that i painted it black and superglued metal spikes to it. I'm saving up for a ball 'n cup.
how come sometimes your burps smell like farts but your farts never smell like burps?

i just found out that my blogger profile has only been viewed three times. i made sure to sign out and view it seven more times so im at least double digits. its really addicting i might do it a few more times. now. then a few more before i go to bed.

JAKEYYYYYYY

I thought I saw jakeys ghost last night but it was just an escaped convict masturbating outside my window. phew!

abortion is just preemptive euthanasia

I promised myself when I got this blog I wouldn't be that guy that only posts apologies and excuses for not posting. but I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while. my parakeet died. jakey. It hit me pretty hard. I thought I was impervious to pathos until this fucking parakeet comes along and gets right under my skin and won't leave even after my better sensibilities begged him to. everyday i wake up and i listen to a tape of 'the seven habits of highly effective people' backwards and it sounds like robots telling me to kill myself. jakey if your soul has entered the blogosphere, as i assume it will, chirp three times, in that cute little way you used to when i was force feeding you drugs cause my parents were out of town and i wanted to impress the popular kids with my reckless abandon. Well, I've got to be on my way, I'm knee deep in a queer read of the Epic of Gilgamesh. fuck fuck, I always promised myself I wouldn't be the kind of person that ends every blog with some mediocre justification of their departure. FUCK FUCK FUK CRAP CRAP JAKEEEEEYYYYYYY crap shit. here's a picture of the mausoleum i erected for jakey. you cant tell in the picture but it has a jet propulsion system and is currently orbiting saturn.

lady fortune is a cruel mistress

goddamn you blogspot. i know your sabotage stems from jealousy. but it doesn't make it any easier.

apologies

i'd like to respond to the public outcry at my prolonged absence. where i was 'at' as the colloquialism goes, was on the roof of the space shuttle, spatula in hand, trying to unstick a thick layer of space toads that had suctioned themselved to our antenna as we flew threw the Templetark asteroid belt on what the captain promised would be "a failsafe detour." When I got up there, I found that these unsolicited hitchhikers had broken our antenna and were using the eletrical sparks to fashion an impromptu grill for what appeared to be some sort of tailgate party. Nasa overnighted us a new antenna. As a testament of my deepest apologies, i offer you an ascii self-portrait. you're welcome.

mmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmm

w w w w w w w w
0000 0000
0 0 0 0
0 0 0 0
0880 0880
0880 0880
0000 0000

l
l
l
L

MMMMM
M M
M M


I leave it up to Lady Fortune and blogspot to format my art in accordance with my aesthetic intent.

Greetings Blogrades

Dearest Blogrades,
The revolution is progressing slower than I thought. I would say I'm disappointed in you, but I learned not to in a seminar about positive parenting. Instead, I want to tell you I love the frequent comments, I think you've all given yourselves to apathy like unwilling brides in a prearranged marriage, and I love the frequent comments. It's called a compliment sandwich. Dr. Michael Veinschfelter, Ph.D says it is the nutrient upon which proactive children feed. Well, Dr. Michael Veinschfelter, how about this, I loved the graphic design in your powerpoints, your seminar was a waste of my hard earned inheritance, I loved it when you left the stage. I'm sorry. This is uncalled for. This is the post-partum depression talking. Remember to overthrow the establishment!

urgent

LOL is the new QED. Act Accordingly.

Boyz II Menses

I'm just saying. Let's start a band.

addendum to an addendum: twice the flava, thrice the funk

To Do
-dust the teletransporter
-densify cryogenic propellant
-cancel subscription to hubba hubba space telescope magazine (they don't deliver to outerspace, what's that about?)
-feed the space monkey dehydrated bananas
-apologize to admiral houston for telling him he wouldn't know a space-time worm if it jumped out of his dogs shit and slapped him across the face (i know terrible right? i was so drunk. high gravity olde english. its my guilty pleasure)
-infiltrate feeble internet community and coerce members into helping me subvert institutions and thwart bourgeois apologists
-shave

addendum

i don’t know if I made this clear in my first two posts, but I’m currently orbiting the earth on a highly covert, privately funded mission of abject proportions. So if I talk about space or astrophysics its not a metaphor. I’m orbiting the earth, remember? I just don't want to confuse the literal with the metaphorical because that's how religious fundamentalism is born. also it’s awesomer to be in space than it is to talk about being in space while being on earth.

Whoops. Disregard that last post. I meant to say in order to chat n’ stuff. Pretend like I did.

FIRST POST !!!

Greetings Blogosphere. I, Sierra Needle, have decided to join your intimate and tight-knit community in order to insert my unique ideology into your collective subconscious and indoctrinate a future generation of Trotskyists.