another day another child support bill

so I discovered a minor planet the other day and no one seems to give a shit. i sent a letter to my alumni association and told them to include it in the alumni newsletter and katie mcbride sends me an email back saying 'we'll see what we can do'. lo and behold, i get my autumn 2007 alumni newsletter and there's a three page spread about how marjorie jacobson six year old daughter was on Ellen because she memorized the facial hair of every american president but not a single mention of my name. my mom interrupted me in the middle of telling her to tell me she just got a camera phone then itemize every picture she's taken so far on it. if anyone out there cares, i named it steve mcqueen, it has a hydrogen-rich atmosphere, and it was discovered by me. f u all.

safari has unexpectedly quit

so safari unexpectedly quit and it's one of those days where i don't feel like taking shit so i submit an error repoort like a real caustic reproach like shit got pretty personal how could it not with so many egos involved? so i get an email from safari@mac.com and the subject is, get this, 'we are through' and the whole email is just 'how could you do this to me' 'you've changed since you moved to space' 'i hope firefox is ready for all the freaky porn you searched for in my browser' 'seriously pregnant siamese twins on pregnant siamese twins goes beyond fetish' 'like i don't know how a fetish becomes a perversion maybe a schoolhouse rock video would elaborate upon that process but regardless thats perverse' 'tell your mom i say hi.'
so everyone just know, safari has unexpectedly quit on me for the last time. and if safari tells you it was mutual its not.
also, i started building ammunition from my space food at lunch for the revolution. the dehydrated molotov cocktaail has done pretty well in field tests.

Jury Duty

Alright blogrades,
I recently experienced a tremendous blow to my personal blow to my liberty and pursuit of happiness.
I was summoned for intergalactic jury duty! Ugggghghghghghghggggggwhymenotnowanytimebutnowiwishiknewajudgeorsomeoneimportantwhocouldbailmeoutofthishellhellhellhellhelllllll
So I show up and a public defense attorney from a bad part of the Eagle Nebula (don't believe the hubble telescope, pillars of creation may look gorgeous but that nebula is fucking ghetto. seriously i know this girl who honeymooned there and her and her husband got mugged and some spaceman was dealing supernova remnants cut with robotussin out of the hotel room next to them.)
So yeah I show up and this public defense attorney calls my number and he starts trying to feel me out to see if I'm prejudice against red dwarfs or white giants and I'm trying my best to come across that way you know just regurgitating old stereotypes and slurs I learned from my grandmother. pretty much a lot of 'red giants? they're a lot of cunt chasers with with more TTD's (telepathically transmitted diseases) than a whore's premie' and 'i haven't seen a white dwarf since i stopped buying my home electronics from the back of some wharvie's '86 chevy comet-hopper'.
And how's this for dramatic irony/poetic justice/insert literary device here: they picked me.
Which means please direct all care packages to the Imperial Inn and Suites: Eagle Nebula. Aw fuck this. Crap.
In other news, I am more reved up for revolution than evs.