glad tidings and good riddance

hey guys its been light years.
heres an update:
we had to kick our swarthy seaman from the ship on account of him bootlegging vodka from our entire provision of dehydrated mashed potatoes. also he tried to 'recreate the big bang' [sic] with me the other day after we played space kickball against the russian space station. i miss him and i dont, yknow?

lo mein fuhrer

heres the chorus from the first space shanty!

'fore today yon 'laxies be a drunk man's dream
'fore today yon stars be a midwife's tale
left my girl for a celestial body
'tis a nebulous thing, 'tis a nebulous thing

devil be good to a light year tripper
devil be good to an astroswine
left my girl to chase the comet's tail
'tis a nebulous thing, 'tis a nebulous thing

sometimes i wonder if my blog is my outlet for everything i can't tell my mah-johngg circle.

blogling hunnies

dearest blogsaders,
i invited the saltiest oceanaut aboard our ship to regale us with tales from the helm and serve us freeze-dried pineapple upside down cake. Everyone loves him. He says that the sound of the solar waves lapping up against our impact-resistant windows reminds him of life at sea. he tried to pry open the cargo bay doors to get "a whiffa that sea breeze". when i tried to stop him, he stuck his peg leg in a lot of expensive equipment. he's paying me for the damages in shanties. i think i'll compile the first compendium of space shanties. don't forget to resist the hegemon!

queefstipated

comrades and quasars,
my shipmates have staged a mutiny to protest my de facto authority. don't they understand? successful communism is dependent upon a personality cult! what's cuba without castro? what's china without mao? what's myspace without murdoch? in other news, i invented space dance.

who ordered the deus ex machina?

i had my blog fumigated for spam bots. and yes, i f-ed the exterminator like some sort of tacky low budget titty flick. so stop asking. call me a seventh day hedonist but i leave no trope of pornography unturned.
so big news. today I found out I’m a space-time worm. so I went online to find out how this changes things. turns out it changes everything metaphysically, but nothing reeeally.
did you hear, lisa frank is going to illustrate the diary of anne frank!

notice of hiatus

i've been spammed. i'm going to retreat to a fallout shelter until the situation up here clears up. i'm sorry. I had hoped it wouldn't come to this. but that spambot pushed me to my limits, what with impersonating my dead sister, etc. i love you all dearly. if you see an opportunity for revolution during my subterranean hiatus, don't hesitate to start without me.

hoop 'n stick: back with a vengeance

bad news blogrades. as i was enthusiastically running laps around the sleeping quarters with my brand new hoop 'n stick I managed to tangle my leg up in the hoop of the hoop 'n stick and, in a fit of arrogance and unaware of my dangerously entwined appendage, started to grapevine toward the galley, resulting in the fracture of my tibia. the captain started making 'told you so' faces at me and i got pissed so i told everyone how he had a wet dream in the hypersleep chamber. so he started crying and i told him i was sorry then i took it back because he wasnt thankful enough for the apology. wow this day got bad fats. fast. ha ha that comical mispelling just made it a little better.